It Never Ends - Eunhae

Eunhyuk was laying down in his bed, breathing silently. It was cold and dark in the room, but he didn't bother to do anything about it. All he did was just to lay on the bed, without moving. For the first time in his life, he felt really empty. Like he had no feelings left. Like he had nothing to go on for. Like all the practice, hard work, whole his career was for nothing. Looking up at the white roof, everything seemed so worthless. Sure, it wasn't that he didn't love what he was doing in Super Junior, that he didn't love his friends and family, but just for a moment, he felt like he didn't have anything to go on for.

There was only one thing that could had done such a thing to him. Love. Eunhyuk had been in love with his friend Donghae, since a long time back. They had been through so much together, and after a time, after some fanservice, after som tragedies, after some successes, he had understood that he was in love. Love was the explanation to the butterflies in his stomach every time Donghae held him closely, why he was staring at Donghae dancing until someone asked if he was okay, and all the mood swings. All this was because of his love to Donghae.

Just laying alone in the dark room, made Eunhyuk wanna cry. He was already known for being very emotional, but this was diffrent. He wanted to cry cause he couldn't understand his feelings. Why was he so empty? Where was all the warmth Donghae's love gave him? The man he was living for, why didn't he give him his strength back. Hearing some laughs from outside, he felt like someone had stabbed him in his chest. It hurted so much to hear Donghae laugh. Why did it hurt?

He turned around, laying face down to the pillow, pressing his eyelids together as hard as possible. Even if someone entered the room, he didn't want to face them. He had already told them thousand times that he was fine. That they shouldn't bother. That he'd handle all this alone. He wondered if they belived in his lies. All those sleepless nights, had really taken the best of him. The shiny smile was gone, and every time he ate, it felt the food he was eating was on fire. Everything hurted. Why couldn't Donghae's smile cure it? Why couldn't his friends kind words heal the pain inside his heart? It had helped him so many times before, why did it feel like making it worse now? Had he missed something?

A soft knock was heared, and someone opened the door. Refusing to open his eyes, turn the light on, or even respond, he just laid there. "Hyukjae?" The voice he wanted to hear the least, was heared in the silence. The door was once again, and he could feel how the other sat down on his bed. Not responding, he just laid there, pretending  to sleep.  Maybe he would go away.  "Wake up. It's cold inside here" Donghae said, and shoke him by his shoulder. The touch was hurting him. Donghae just sighed, and got a blanket from the end of the room. Slowly laying it over his friend, he hummed some kind of song. It was obvious that he was happy. 'But why am I not happy too then?'.

"Sleep well Hyukkie~" Donghae whispered, and then walked out from the room. It was really hard to not cry. The man he loved didn't see anything. No one saw how hurt he was on the inside. Maybe cause he refused to get any help. Maybe because he was hiding it so well. Anyways, it was still hurting. Why?

Oh, because. Donghae would never love him. What was hurting Eunhyuk so much, was the fact that Donghae had a girlfriend. That made him laugh, smile, and feel better. Eunhyuk would never be able to compete with a girl, and he knew that. It would never end.
"Please, just let this end", Eunhyuk whispered out in the silence. No one would help him, cause no one heared.